"If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I." - Michel de Montaigne
Among the backdrop of finding a 50 year old skeleton in the building Adrien has bought to expand his book store, he is trying to recover from much needed heart surgery, contemplating life anew and the possibilities it may bring with the years added. One of those new possibilities is in the form of Jake, newly outed and while respecting Adrien's wish to give him time, is ready to settle down.
As I look back on this series, I can now fully appreciate Lanyon's slow buildup of this intriguing, complicated, love story. What does it mean to love someone? Why do we love the person that we do? Do we choose it or does it choose us?
Rightfully so, Adrien is confused, scared, skittish to move on with Jake. Believing he wouldn't survive the emotional devastation of losing him again, he is paralyzed and unable to move forward to test the possibility of happiness with him. Luckily (?) old lovers and the cold case he's investigating, lend new perspective. Adrien doesn't want coddling. He doesn't want to be handled. And he definitely doesn't want easy.
Though I don't condone many of Jake's actions, I do see the reasoning, the bargaining, the concessions he has made. Ultimately keeping such secrets, keeping such a vital part of one's self hidden, compromises the very essence of his morals and makeup - making him realize finally that there is a better alternative no matter how difficult or painful. I absolutely hated how he hurt Adrien but I honestly believe he had plenty of self loathing which was more punishment than any other could inflict.
So yes, once again Lanyon somehow gets me to come around, evoking a myriad of emotions - anger, betrayal, fear, desire and ultimately forgiveness. He's quite a sparse writer and in my need for an epilogue, I found this….Short #1
and Short #2
- which I'm sure many have discovered. For me it was a very nice parting gift for such a great journey.